English 1 Blog

Walking towards the library, my view transfigures as I think of another time and place. The vibrant stucco walls have been replaced by deep red bricks with ivy crawling up the crevices. The new glass door is now simple cherry wood with a large brass handle. As opposed to the smooth glass handle the brass on feels old and warn down, just like a perfect library should feel. Striding into the library the musty, dust filled air causes me to sneeze and disrupt the utter silence that the room is bathed in. Normally, the rich scent of new wood and the sharp smell of fresh paint cause me to sneeze in agitation. However, the only thing I am disrupting then is the perpetual hum of the computers. Relaxing in the turquoise bean bag chair, only adds to my discomfort since the only place I really want to be is with my thoughts in the old and comfy library. Knowing that my dreams can sometimes be deceiving is not at all reassuring and I walk out of the new library in disgust.

Lying in bed at night,

these thoughts run through my head…

Did you ever love me enough?

Or were those just words you said?

Did you ever find comfort in my presence?

Was I too much or not enough?

Did you think that hurting people was right?

Or did you find pleasure in being extremely tough?

Were your facial expressions supposed to be caring?

Or did you scare many girls with those angry faces?

And were your touches ever kind,

when you took girls to those lonely places?

My thoughts run too deep,

as I think of what it had been…

They told me you weren’t right.

They said your words were as hard as tin.

Everyone told me I was wrong to take you back,

to let you in so easily.

It was wrong, painful, and damaging to me.

You shouldn’t have acted so innocently.

They said you wouldn’t treat me with respect.

Your kind eyes made me forget that claim.

They were right as you can see,

for this horrible tragedy,

I take all blame.

Now that I see what has happened to you,

they were right to not let me suffer from any more pain. 

When you love someone so much

and you loose them,

does the pain ever go away?

Is there a chance that you will

ever be fine,

or normal as they say?

Will you always be sad,

will you constantly feel bad,

is there a chance that you’ll be happy?

Will you get over it,

and come though,

or will it always bring you down?

Never a smile on your face,

or a stupid, happy look,

or are you always wearing a frown?

But happiness comes in bursts,

but when it does it hurts

do you not want anything they cant have?

And if someone you love is fairly ill,

will you be upset,

will you cry?

Or will you put a smile on your face,

a fake mask,

a lie?

But you wouldn’t tell a lie

for someone else’s expense,

the truth is tough but aren’t lies worse?

Does anything stop you from crying,

a friend who laughs,

a friend who jokes?

Someone who is comforting,

is always there,

someone who’s always willing to have cokes?

But maybe grief takes you by the throat,

strangles you until you choke,

but don’t you know you’re not alone?

I miss how you used

to hold me tightly.

And kiss me softly,

daily and nightly.

I miss your warm hand,

pressed against my back.

I miss you every time I hear,

a lonely duck “quack”

I miss your gentle hands

as they caressed my tear streaked face.

I miss your crushing hugs

and your gentle embrace.

I miss the way you used to kiss me,

every single night.

I miss the times we’d used to get

in a stupid, meaningless fight.

I miss the way you used

to watch me.

Your caring eyes never failed

to fill me with glee.

I miss you when he hugs me

so hard I can’t breathe,

his hugs are so ungentle,

they’d make you want to seethe.

I miss the way your cheek

would touch mine when we’d dance,

round and round in circles,

as though we were in a trance.

I miss you when I cry

myself to sleep.

I miss you whenever

I really need to weep.

I miss you in the car,

even after all these days.

You were my sunshine.

in ever constant rays.