English 1 Blog

Silence

Odyssey Book 3 Prompt 2

The house is as worn as an old shoe, and as beautiful as a sunset. The faded red walls are as smooth as a baby’s cheek. The bright yellow trimming is as chipped as two-week-old nail polish. The heart of the house is the beaming fire. Giving warmth to the people and life to it’s surroundings, it‘s perfect on a chilly day. The tan leather couch is covered with a blanket so smooth I could hide under it for weeks. The couch itself is as comfortable as an old glove to a dedicated baseball player. The cherry wood staircase lined with faded novels, is slippery as I crawl to my room. Almost as old as the rest of the house, my room is my safety. My secrets are stored there in a foreign language known only to me and my furniture. This house reminds me of an old lady, withered and worn with touches of light all throughout, who is immensely loving. I don’t love this house just because I live here, I love this house because it’s a home.

Walking towards the library, my view transfigures as I think of another time and place. The vibrant stucco walls have been replaced by deep red bricks with ivy crawling up the crevices. The new glass door is now simple cherry wood with a large brass handle. As opposed to the smooth glass handle the brass on feels old and warn down, just like a perfect library should feel. Striding into the library the musty, dust filled air causes me to sneeze and disrupt the utter silence that the room is bathed in. Normally, the rich scent of new wood and the sharp smell of fresh paint cause me to sneeze in agitation. However, the only thing I am disrupting then is the perpetual hum of the computers. Relaxing in the turquoise bean bag chair, only adds to my discomfort since the only place I really want to be is with my thoughts in the old and comfy library. Knowing that my dreams can sometimes be deceiving is not at all reassuring and I walk out of the new library in disgust.

Lying in bed at night,

these thoughts run through my head…

Did you ever love me enough?

Or were those just words you said?

Did you ever find comfort in my presence?

Was I too much or not enough?

Did you think that hurting people was right?

Or did you find pleasure in being extremely tough?

Were your facial expressions supposed to be caring?

Or did you scare many girls with those angry faces?

And were your touches ever kind,

when you took girls to those lonely places?

My thoughts run too deep,

as I think of what it had been…

They told me you weren’t right.

They said your words were as hard as tin.

Everyone told me I was wrong to take you back,

to let you in so easily.

It was wrong, painful, and damaging to me.

You shouldn’t have acted so innocently.

They said you wouldn’t treat me with respect.

Your kind eyes made me forget that claim.

They were right as you can see,

for this horrible tragedy,

I take all blame.

Now that I see what has happened to you,

they were right to not let me suffer from any more pain. 

When you love someone so much

and you loose them,

does the pain ever go away?

Is there a chance that you will

ever be fine,

or normal as they say?

Will you always be sad,

will you constantly feel bad,

is there a chance that you’ll be happy?

Will you get over it,

and come though,

or will it always bring you down?

Never a smile on your face,

or a stupid, happy look,

or are you always wearing a frown?

But happiness comes in bursts,

but when it does it hurts

do you not want anything they cant have?

And if someone you love is fairly ill,

will you be upset,

will you cry?

Or will you put a smile on your face,

a fake mask,

a lie?

But you wouldn’t tell a lie

for someone else’s expense,

the truth is tough but aren’t lies worse?

Does anything stop you from crying,

a friend who laughs,

a friend who jokes?

Someone who is comforting,

is always there,

someone who’s always willing to have cokes?

But maybe grief takes you by the throat,

strangles you until you choke,

but don’t you know you’re not alone?

I miss how you used

to hold me tightly.

And kiss me softly,

daily and nightly.

I miss your warm hand,

pressed against my back.

I miss you every time I hear,

a lonely duck “quack”

I miss your gentle hands

as they caressed my tear streaked face.

I miss your crushing hugs

and your gentle embrace.

I miss the way you used to kiss me,

every single night.

I miss the times we’d used to get

in a stupid, meaningless fight.

I miss the way you used

to watch me.

Your caring eyes never failed

to fill me with glee.

I miss you when he hugs me

so hard I can’t breathe,

his hugs are so ungentle,

they’d make you want to seethe.

I miss the way your cheek

would touch mine when we’d dance,

round and round in circles,

as though we were in a trance.

I miss you when I cry

myself to sleep.

I miss you whenever

I really need to weep.

I miss you in the car,

even after all these days.

You were my sunshine.

in ever constant rays.

I believe that Holden has a love-hate relationship with trust. Occasionally he is very trustworthy and tells the truth exactly how it is, but a lot of the time he lies and hides the real truth. In Catcher in the Rye Holden says two different things that portray the different sides of his trust. When he is referring to what his parents would say when he tells them about getting kicked out of boarding school is, “Well…they’ll be pretty irritated about it.” This to me, seems to like he is only half telling the truth or holding part of it back to hide himself from more shame. If I had gotten kicked out of school for the fourth time, I know that my parents wouldn’t just be irritated, they’d be furious. Also, it doesn’t seem like Holden has a great relationship with his parents and he probably doesn’t want to think about how they will react to his news. Holden later goes on to say, “I shake my head quite a lot. ‘Boy!’ I said. I also say ‘Boy!’ quite a lot. Partly because I have a lousy vocabulary and partly because I act quite young for my age sometimes. I was sixteen then, and I’m seventeen now, and sometimes I act like I am about thirteen.” When Holden says this, I think he is being trustworthy in his description of his character. From what I’ve read so far, Holden acts very young and is sarcastic. Here, I don’t think he is being sarcastic and is judging himself correctly, therefore being trustworthy.

Pictures are worth a thousand words,

Making my way to the blocks, I see many familiar faces and plenty of new ones too. I am happy to be competing in the faster session at night, but nervous about what the outcome of my race will be. As I left my swim teams’ tent, I felt so many people counting on me to do well. Not only did they want me to succeed for my benefit, but they wanted me to beat my former teammate and friend, Hannah. The pressure was on. Having not done so well in the morning, I was ranked 10^th at night. My old teammate was ranked 9^thso we would be racing each other head to head. Thinking about everyone who was counting on me made me nervous, yet focused at the same time. My best friend was counting on me to beat my former teammate since she couldn’t do it since she was too old, the parents of kids on my team who knew Hannah wanted me to win based on the fact that she had left the team, my coach wanted me to win so that he could have the satisfaction of knowing that he was coaching correctly even though Hannah had left the team, and I was counting on myself to go fast and my motivation was to beat Hannah. As we step up onto the blocks, Hannah and I wish each other luck, and get prepared for the timer to go off. Diving into the water gave me such a rush and within a few seconds I was beginning to swim freestyle feeling long and strong. Sprinting the first 50 meters, my seven competitors and I come into the wall at the same time. However I am ready for my next 50 meters and feeling better than ever. I keep swim fast and end up coming in first, beating Hannah, and making a new Sectional, a national meet, time. I was more ecstatic than I have ever been before and knowing that my efforts had made everyone else happy, gave me a thrill and I felt immensely proud.